Out of the Funk and into the Light

Oh Lord, oh Lord how majestic is your name in all the earth!! It's amazing to me how, at one moment, you can be so overwhelmed and frustrated, then, like a cloud being lifted, your spirits can be reignited with love and life.

Since the "Culture Shock" post, I have had a roller coaster of emotions. One day, like in Hong Kong recently, I'm so abundantly full of joy, and the next day, I'm feeling down and depressed. Last weekend was lovely back "home" in Dongguan, but this week has been a rough one.

A lot of negative energy has surrounded me this week. I certainly contributed to it by voicing my own irritations and worries, but it was such a common norm with some of the people I've been around, it has been difficult to get my own heart and mind out of it.

This is what happens to me when I'm around others. I pick up on their energy, their emotions, their worries. That's not saying anything ugly about the people with whom I'm friends, that's just saying that there's been a lot of drama, in general, and that when we all get together and voice our frustrations, that negativity grows bigger and bigger, and the cycle is hard to break.

I had a "discussion" with some colleagues in the car on the way to work the other day where one person jumped in, closed the doors, and blurted out "Ok, we need to talk." She went on to discuss a rather heated debate we'd all been having about how to pay for the car that drives us to and from school. It's a tiny little clown car, and four of us split it in the morning, then two from the morning don't take it in the afternoon, so two others swap with them. It's a mess, really, and I swear that conversation we had on the way to school about gave me a panic attack! Shoulder to shoulder in a tiny car with bad energy, ugh! I had to blurt out, "Can we please turn on the air," just to get the energy moving around. I really can't describe how tense it was at that moment, but geez I was glad to get to school that day so I could exit the vehicle!

All is sorted with the car, I think, but things like that happened all week. I've also had a really hard time with the fact that I don't feel that I'm being fully utilized here in Dongguan. I am a good teacher. That's not bragging, that's confidence. That's proven. I have data to support the statement; I also have a long laundry list of supporters by way of parents, students, colleagues and friends. I know I'm a good teacher. I know I'm making a difference. Sometimes I question myself, but I also can get very defensive about it because my full heart and spirit goes into helping the children succeed.

It's not the classroom that worries me, it's what I'm not doing outside the classroom. In the past, I've volunteered for just about every job ever asked of someone in a school. I created the yearbook year after year in Charleston. I've written benchmark exams and taught English courses, for free, at Dublin City University, among other places. I have served on committees for textbook adoptions, worked as social studies liaison, attended meeting after meeting after training after meeting. I have been grade chair. I've helped with fundraisers. I've helped planned weddings. I've written books (and I'm working on a new one)...

Ok, I digress, and apparently toot my horn a little, but I'm trying to make a point. I do a lot. I do it though, because I know I can help make a difference, and it honest to goodness makes me feel good. It's NOT about the credit (although I know you won't believe that after reading the last paragraph). It's not about trying to prove something. It's not about wanting people to like me. It's because I know I've been blessed with certain God given talents and I feel guilty, truly guilty, when I don't use them.

On Tuesday night, I had dinner with friends and I boldly announced as soon as I walked into the restaurant, "If the conversation goes to school, I'm leaving." My friends laughed at me...they're both teachers. Of course we're going to talk about school, but seriously, I think we can all benefit by changing the subject to something else once in a while. I'm a firm believer in having other outlets.

On Wednesday night, still really feeling negative and trying to beat that "funk" I've been in, I texted my director and offered to help in any way shape or form that I could, outside of my classroom. He thanked me, but I didn't feel like he really got my message. I didn't feel like he knew how badly I needed it, to feel like I could make a difference in another way.

On Thursday morning, I went into his office, wished him a Happy American Thanksgiving, and chatted, tears flowing, about how I felt I could do more. He said, "don't bite off more than you can chew," and thanked me again for all I've already done. I left his office feeling better, but still not quite like I'd gotten my point across. If you haven't noticed, I like to write. I find I am more eloquent in written verse than in speaking. I have too many thoughts going through my head, so speaking becomes difficult for me when I'm emotional, and therefore, writing is a better means of communication for me.

Thursday night I had the most amazing Thanksgiving away from home with good friends, and it really felt like the holiday, ya know? It wasn't an awkward Island of Misfit Toys kind of Thanksgiving. It felt normal, and I really, really enjoyed the fellowship. I came home, sure I'd sleep from the tryptophan in the turkey, but to my dismay, I was wired. I addressed all of my Christmas cards (online using Shutterfly) and worked on a few other things. I made an extensive list of what I thought I could do to help make a difference at ISD...suggestions for further improving what's already been established, or little things we could start doing to better the school.

For those of you that don't know, the school where I'm working is only 3 years old. They have done an AMAZING job of starting from the ground up and building a community of learners that has already been granted accreditation by some really impressive organizations. I didn't even realize until recently just how much the school had done in the few years it has been open. It is very impressive. In any area of my life, however, I always look for ways to improve. I think the more educated we become, the better we are. The healthier we become, the better we are. The more spiritual we become, the better we are. Because of this philosophy, I believe that even ISD, which has earned so many acclimations already, can better itself too.

After a full 3 1/2 hours of sleep on Thursday night, I woke up around 3:45 am on Friday morning. Wide away, and not one to drift back off into a slumber, I started jotting down notes in my iPhone of more ways I might could help, of ideas I thought might support continued growth of ISD. I got out of the bed at 4 and did a nice half hour yoga session. I had an overwhelming desire to listen to Gregorian monks (I'm a weirdo sometimes, but it's what I wanted), so I put on my Spotify and set my station to the chanting. I showered, and had plenty of time before having to depart for school, so I sat on my couch meditating to the chants for another 15-20 minutes. After breakfast, I Facetimed home to wish my family all a Happy Thanksgiving. They were all just gathering for dinner at my 6 am, their 5 pm. It was nice to see everyone together.

Off to school I finally went, with the most positive attitude I have had in AGES. I listened to a little more music on the way to work, this time Bela Fleck's "Big Country" on repeat. This song makes me feel so connected to my Dad. With a smile on my face and a purpose in my heart, I went up to my classroom and pulled out my laptop. I had a million things to do Friday, but my priority for the morning was to write an email that I felt would express exactly what I had been feeling.

My students arrived before I could finish it, but I went back later during their morning recess and completed the email, then sent it off to my director and the curriculum coordinator for the school. All day, I went about teaching with this amazing energy. My classroom was different Friday. Although I try to remain pretty positive with my students and tease them always about being "energy vampires," Friday was a lot more positive than usual. It was a tangible difference. I felt fabulous, and my kids picked up on that.

Later, my director came to me and joked, "Be careful what you wish for." You see, the email I sent offered an itemized list of what I was capable of doing, what I'd done in the past, and what I'd like to offer my assistance in for helping ISD. He gave me a task for outside of my classroom...for organizing something for the school. I was thrilled. The curriculum coordinator came to me later, and when I apologized for sending my lengthy email, she responded, "No! Don't apologize," and then she asked if she could hug me!

After an unbelievable afternoon with another totally unexpected positive in my life, I came home around 7 on Friday evening with the craziest natural high. If you saw me, you would have thought I was on drugs! It may have been a combination of no sleep and excitement, but I was down right giddy.

I sang praises to the Lord all evening and have tried to continue those praises into the weekend. I'm tired of negative energy. I had a nice little "talking to" with Satan the other night (again, I'm crazy I know), but in my best teacher voice, I told him to leave me alone. I reassured him that God and I were not going to allow him to bring me down any more. The negativity is not welcome; actually, I think I specifically reprimanded, "This is not acceptable behavior." God's love will destroy any of that nonsense! I know that I'll have bad days in the future. I'm human, and I have my moments, but right now, I'm feeling so blessed to be out of the funk and into the Light.

Culture Shock

Before moving to China, I expected that I would experience culture shock, as most people do. I knew, even from living in Ireland, that the phases were real, and that I would almost be able to predict when I'd go through them. After about three months in a place, the "honeymoon" phase is over and things start to feel a bit too real, and a bit uncomfortable.

In Dublin, my American friends and I complained a lot about silly things like heating the water for showers or landlords who were almost nonexistent. We complained about the rain (although looking back I loved it) and about not having a dryer for our laundry. We complained about not finding certain American products and not understanding why the Irish were so SLOW to get anything done.  I complained, I know, but of course, I no longer see those things as complaints and look back with great fondness. I miss Ireland on a daily basis.

Moving to China, I thought, would certainly bring out the complaints in me. I had never been to Asia, but I had researched the country and I had spoken with many people who either traveled or lived in China, so I had an idea of what was to come. I knew to stock up on my favorite American brands. I expected there to be a lot of people and a lot of pollution. I assumed I would really struggle adjusting to life here.

Fortunately for me, upon arrival, I didn't feel so thrown for a loop. I absolutely loved my apartment when I saw it (and still do). I fairly easily found the items necessary for beginning my life here. I don't feel I actually went through the "honeymoon" phase, as I was never overly excited about my surrounding (it's just not a pretty place), but I also never felt like I made the wrong decision or questioned my move. It wasn't overly exciting, but it wasn't a mistake. I didn't feel like I needed to hop on a plane and race home, but I didn't feel like I was in love with the area either. In Ireland, I immediately felt at home. I knew the place and it welcomed me. It's not like that here.

Anyway, because I didn't have a "honeymoon" phase, I didn't really feel like I was progressing into the next phase, "Frustration," but the more I review my "symptoms," the more I'm certain that's where I recently was. As I said, the "honeymoon" stage lasts the first few months in a place. After this time, one begins to feel a little frustrated, hence the name, with things, many things. The people can be aggravating; the food, the lack of ease in getting items that would be so easy to get at home, it can become irritating. Sleep becomes an issue; overeating, crabbiness, homesickness, etc all become issues. I hate to admit it, but I was recently quite"frustrated." I put on a good 5 lbs since I came to China.  Solid weight...I don't fluctuate often, so this is a big deal. I wasn't getting enough exercise and I didn't feel good in my body. I began missing home, restaurants mostly (doesn't that make sense) and the ocean. I missed the water. Oh Lord, I missed the water. I missed the Battery and Waterfront Park. I missed my family and friends and I hated that I was not there to help people in need or to participate in the exciting parts of their lives, like my sister and two friends who are expecting babies.

I became really frustrated with work and with people in general. I had (have) a pretty busy social calendar, but I didn't really have the desire to be around people all that much. I preferred being alone a lot because I got bothered easily and either got angry or upset about what others said and did, or didn't do. I was exhausted, utterly exhausted. I slept all weekend not too long ago (thought I was sick, but honestly now think it was more of a 'depression' kind of thing). I was weak, and my body was lacking rest.

All of these "symptoms" describe the "Frustration" stage to the T.  I'm sad to say it happened to me as I feel I should have "known better," but it got me.

Luckily, it didn't last too long! I'm happy to report I'm feeling MUCH better after only a week or so of this frustration period (and a WONDERFUL weekend in Hong Kong). I was smart, and didn't book a trip home for Christmas because I knew it would be too difficult to go home that early and then have to come back. I knew that would cause problems, so I booked the trip to Australia instead. I think traveling around will be good for me because it'll keep me in "honeymoon" stages in other places, and then by the time I go home in February, I'll not have too many more months of school before we dismiss for summer.

I don't want to look forward to the end of the year as if I'm miserable here. That's not at all the case. I want to take it all in, to appreciate each day, but since culture shock is a real thing and even knowing about it, I fell victim to it, I hope that the knowledge that I have other amazing places to visit will help me along. I do know how lucky I am to be able to travel like I do. I was thinking about it today, and in the seven months I'll have been in Asia (from the time I moved to the time I return home on holiday), I'll have visited 5 new countries. Not a bad life I lead.

Moral to the story, don't let culture shock get the best of you. Familiarize yourself with the stages if you plan to travel or move someplace outside of the ordinary. Like me, be ready. I knew it was coming, I expected it, I let it grab hold of me for a few days, and then I made myself snap out of it. There's too much to be positive about in this life.


*For more information on culture shock, visit Northeastern University's website.  Check out the info here.

A Thailand Trilogy-Part Three

Saying goodbye to Katy in the airport in Bangkok was rather easy because I knew I'd see her again in a few days. She was just heading on to Cambodia, then back to Thailand, before coming to see me in Dongguan.

I had a much later return flight that day, and from the other airport in Bangkok, so I had several hours to kill before heading home. I had met Katy's friend, Yasa, in Bangkok that first night, so I had reached out to him prior to returning to the city to see if there was any way I could drop my luggage (and Katy's extra suitcase) at his hotel for the day. That wasn't a problem, he said, so I took a cab from the airport to the Anantara, where we'd eaten on our first night in Bangkok, and dropped my bags at the concierge desk. The staff there were so very polite. They helped me plan my day (and fortunately a good friend who visits Thailand often, Cedric, also had given me amazing step by step directions to follow the itinerary he suggested). I booked an afternoon massage and then I set out with Cedric's directions.

I walked down the street, maybe a half a block, and took the bus two stops to the air train. Cedric had told me specifically how to get off the train at the right stop, and how to get on the right boat at the docks for a trip down the river and to some of the other temples. It was so simple. I followed his directions to not get on blue line, but to take the orange or yellow line. The blue is for the tourists, and you could see them queueing. If you know me, I do not enjoy looking like a tourist. I much prefer to have my route set, to explore some, but to look like a local. I do not wear a fanny pack and I never carry a map!!

When I got in the boat I only had a few minutes ride down the river. I had gotten a one way ticket because I wasn't sure if I'd spend the whole afternoon at the temple or not. I'm glad I chose the one way, because the afternoon just was too hot to be out.

For my first stop, I went in the temple of the Emerald Buddha, the Grand Palace. I had to rent a shirt as I had on a tank top, so I lined up with the other poorly dressed folks (I know, not local like). I had carried a pashmina, which is what the guide books tell you you can do, but it wasn't sufficient apparently. I rented my lovely green "oxford" shirt and deposited my 200 or so baht. I don't actually recall how much it cost.

I wandered around the palace a little over an hour. I took lots of photos, but it was so jam packed with other tourists...I felt a little claustrophobic. I somehow managed, in all of the chaos, to NOT see the Buddha. I looked and looked and wandered, but when I got in another wing of the place where I couldn't turn and go back, one of the guards told me I'd missed it. Ha, that's what I get for not looking at a map!

I was boiling by the time I finished walking the grounds, so I grabbed a little cup of Haagan Dazs, very popular over here, and sat in the shade a minute. Feeling only slightly refreshed, I went back to the desk to retrieve my deposit and to leave my sweaty shirt, then I walked outside the gates of the grand palace. There are many stalls lining the roads and the alley back to the docks, so I walked through them and found a little shop with postcards. I bought ten and got stamps from the post office, then went back towards the boats. I bought a little fan along the way too, hoping that might cool me off slightly. I couldn't decide what I wanted to do, but I ended up hiring a private boat to take me down the river. I was told I'd see the floating market, but in reality, I only saw one lady with her little "canoe." She of course tried to sell me all sorts of tacky trinkets, but well, you know...not my style. She did however get me when she suggested I buy a beer for my driver! Excuse me, he can drink, but you didn't mention anything to me about it? Yes, thank you, I'll buy one for him and one for me!

The driver and I cheersed across the space between us on the long boat and then we kept on cruising. It was one of the highlights of my day actually. I'm such a water girl.

After my cruise ended, I went back to the place where I'd started the water journeys, Saphan Taksin. I hopped back on the air conditioned sky train and went towards the hotel.  I walked a little through an exhibit that had been set up in the street not too far from the W where Katy, Yasa, and I had had drinks. Then I made my way back to the Anantara. I was drenched in sweat and feeling rather disgusting, but I was too early for my massage. I sat in the lobby, feeling rather awkward, and wrote my ten postcards. Then I asked the concierge to mail them for me, and proposed that I shower before the massage. I was escorted to the gym, which connects with the spa, and shown the showers there. I had a locker for all my belongings that weren't still downstairs at the desk, and I freshened up before my appointment.

Upon entering the spa, I was greeted warmly by the ladies working there.  I was brought tea and was pampered from the moment I arrived. My massage was for 90 minutes, I believe. It began in my private room with a plush robe and slippers. I was sat in a chair for the first few minutes, where my feet were washed in a small tub and then massaged. Later, I was moved to the table for a full body massage. I am picky (like you didn't know that already), and I've had a lot of good massages. I do not take likely to massages that don't relax me, but it's very rare that I actually DO relax. Lucky for me, I was able to enjoy every bit of the time I spent with my therapist. She was very professional, very soft spoken, and from my head to my toes, she was able to help release the tension. Many spas here in Asia rub every muscle, including your abdominals and breasts. I've gotten used to the ab massages as I've had them in London and even in Michigan, where I was first introduced to them. For the latter, hmmm, I'm still trying to find my comfort level.

After the massage, I was told not to shower because the oil would help my dry, Thailand sun-damaged skin. I followed her "orders" and dressed. Before leaving, I was given more tea and offered some products. The staff was so sweet, so I bought a little thing of lotion and then was given a few other small items for free.

It was time for my departure from Bangkok, so I grabbed my bags, had the concierge hail a cab, and set off for the airport. I made it just in time, skipped dinner, and rushed to the gate. Lovely as I was starving (I had had an ice cream and a beer, remember), but now at the gate with no food in sight, the flight was delayed. I can't recall how long I waited before we were actually allowed to board, but finally we did, and we finally headed back to Hong Kong.

Here's where the fun ended. When I arrived in Hong Kong, at midnight, I knew I'd not be able to get the bus back to Dongguan until the morning. I tried to book into the private resting rooms at the airport, but there was "no room at the inn." I made a "bed" on two airport chairs and a table and "slept" for a few hours. I was in jeans and a tank top with only my pashmina to cover me, so I dug in Katy's suitcase for a hoodie and bundled up in it as it was FREEZING in the airport. At 6:30 or so I was able to get my ticket. I got breakfast, noodles, at a restaurant by the bus departure area, and then waited another two hours for my van to arrive.

The vans that run from the airport to the Dongcheng International Hotel are little black mini vans that  carry travelers across the border from HK to China without having to stop and get out. I got in the first row and sat between a woman and a man. The man on my right was Italian, so we chatted a good bit. Then the Chinese guy in the front seat joined in because he actually lived in Italy for something like 10 years and now works for Prada. It was so strange hearing a Chinese man speak in Italian, and speak well for that matter.

It was a LONG day or two getting home to Dongguan, and I was so very happy when I got back in my apartment, but it was an amazing holiday and one I'll remember for years to come. It's funny, sitting here now and typing this, because it seems like it happened SOOOO long ago. It's November, and that trip was at the first of October; man, it seems like it's been ages.

A Thailand Trilogy-Part Two

Getting from the massage place to the hotel was difficult enough, but getting from the hotel to the airport in the pouring down rain proved to be even more so. We had agreed upon a certain price for our ride, but the driver ended up asking for more because the streets were so bad and there was so much traffic. We told him if he could get us to the airport on time for our flight, we'd pay him the extra.  He held up his end of the bargain, so we did too.

We made it in time to grab a quick fast food dinner and then boarded our plane for the short flight to Phuket. Once we arrived in Phuket, we then had to take a taxi forty-five minutes to our resort. It was dark and we couldn't see much on the way, plus we were really tired, but once we arrived to the Vijiit Resort, we quickly woke up. The driver took us inside, through the security gate, and dropped us at the most beautiful reception area I'd ever seen. It sat outside under a patio of sorts. Two women offered us the most warm welcome, adorning our wrists in beautiful flowers and giving us scented towels with which we freshened up. The bellman took our luggage and placed it aside while we were given tea. Then we had our photo taken (which we never saw actually). I signed some papers and then two other workers at the resort loaded our things into the back of a golf cart and whisked us away to our upgraded villa. Why were we upgraded? I don't know, but I wasn't about to argue.

We walked through our own private gate into the place we'd call home for the next three nights. Katy and I looked at each other like we'd died and gone to heaven. We were in our "honeymoon suite," later to be named the "friend moon suite." We were the only non-couple couple at the resort.  Everyone else we met was on their actual honeymoon. Katy and I were there because she found this beautiful place, and we pretended we were sent to review it.

The villa had a king size bed in the center of the room. The bathroom facilities were the entire length of the villa down the right side. There was a wonderfully stocked wet bar, then the "hers and hers" sinks, followed by a huge jacuzzi tub and the toilet was hidden off to the back. Off the right side of the bathroom was an outdoor shower. Both the tub and the shower had huge wooden windows that opened to an amazing view of the ocean.

The bedroom portion of the villa was completely surrounded by windows and I knew we'd have some view when we woke the next morning. I don't know how we ever got to sleep that night because the excitement was overwhelming, but sleep we did. I woke up early, before the sun, and went out on the balcony. I spent two and a half hours out there, praying, meditating, practicing Tai Chi, and thanking God for an amazing holiday, His beautiful creation, and a great friend that would share the experience. Katy didn't wake for the first sunrise, but she caught the next one and marveled at the view, just like I had done.

The few days we spent in Phuket were amazing. We had room service for breakfast, lunch at a nearby beach, and dinner at the resort's restaurant. Even the wait staff there thought we were having a "romantic dinner" and we kept giggling and letting everyone know we weren't a couple. Our first beach day was very laid back and relaxing. The second day was a bit more chaotic as we visited the nearby Patong, a mix of the "Dirty Myrtle" and Bourbon Street. It wasn't a clean place, and it was very touristy. Those two things are what I try to stay away from when traveling. While lying on the beach, we were harassed by several men, women, and children trying to sell us something or to get us to go for a parasailing or jet skiing trip. "You scared, you American scared," one guy kept saying. In one breath he was insulting us, in the next breath he was hitting on us. The ladies wanted to give us massages; I can't imagine anything more disgusting on a hot day than being rubbed down with oil by a total (filthy) stranger on a beach. The children were even rude in trying to get us to buy sunglasses. It was not enjoyable, but an experience nonetheless.

After the visit to Patong, I was more than happy to get back to our resort and to spend some time lounging at the pool.

Our time in Phuket came to an end all too quickly. I was sad to have to leave such a beautiful place, despite the jaded memories from Patong. Katy and I contemplated that we would now really have difficulty trying to find an actual honeymoon spot when the time came to celebrate with husbands.  We were spoiled, that's for sure.

We got up early on the morning of our departure, 4 am, and headed back to the airport. The resort had packed us a lovely little box breakfast for our journey. The hospitably of the Vijiit was above and beyond anything I have seen in a long time, even coming from Charleston, which is known for it's friendliness.

When we arrived in Bangkok, Katy went on to her connecting flight for Cambodia. I spent one more day in Bangkok on my own, but that's where this entry ends. Wonderful memories from our "friend moon," and more adventures to come.