As I believe I mentioned once before, my pastor at First Baptist in Charleston suggested to me that I attend a church here, even if it wasn't the kind of service I was used to. He pretty much said attend for the sake of attending...because God will work in mysterious ways and if I'm listening to Him, I will hear His message. On a regular basis, I have to pray that the Lord will let me release my "issues" with the church where I go here. I pray that Satan won't try to fool me into thinking I'm not meant to be there. I pray that I'll be blessed by the word of God. Even though the service is unusual, in my opinion, and even though the music is much more contemporary than I'm used to on a Sunday morning, I can still be blessed. I find that I am blessed in different ways when I attend the services at Trinity Bible Fellowship.
This morning, I said my usual pepping myself up prayers and then I sat for ten minutes or so before the service started. I'm not greeted by too many at the church, which bothers me a little, but I'm also a bit of an introvert in ways and so although I smile and nod, say good morning, etc., I don't go out of my way to speak to others either. When the service began, the praise band started up the music with another song with which I'm not familiar, but luckily the words are always on the screens and the musicians are very good at leading us. In particular, there is a guy, whose name I just learned today is Josh, who leads on the bongos and does most of the prayer at the start of the services. I could feel the spirit moving me this morning and I could see it moving in Josh as well. He and the other lead singer often close their eyes and raise their arms, and although this is not my way, it's often nice to see them sing their praises. During our last beginning worship song, Josh was crying quite heavily and he asked us to sing the chorus over and over. When it ended, he was red in the face and very tear stained. He and the rest of the band took a seat in the audience and then the pastor went up for announcements. This is when things took a turn for the worse.
Out of nowhere, I heard a loud "clunk." Then I heard a woman scream. That was followed by a shrill hysterical child-like cry. I heard another scream, "Don't touch him, don't touch him." I had no idea what was happening. I turned to the lady on my left and said, "Are there any members here who are medical?" She answered with a confused "I don't know." The pastor sat on stage and many members sitting around the "accident" jumped up and crowded around, then the drummer stood and tried to get people to back away. The guitar player raced over, but I still couldn't see what was happening. At first, I thought it must be a child that had fallen off the chair and perhaps busted his nose. Then, the pastor finally made a comment that made me think otherwise. "He's not been feeling well." After this, I thought it must be an elderly person who passed out, or worse, died.
The children were led out of the congregation so they could go to their Sunday school classes, but more to just get them away from the commotion. I felt as if we should all relocate, but I sat frozen.
I heard a Chinese woman ask if she should call for emergency assistance. I couldn't believe no one had done so yet. The first screaming Chinese woman was hysterically repeating, "You're not holy, you're not holy." I could hear the swooshing of people blocking her swinging arms. I could hear her trying to fight them off, but I couldn't see anything. I didn't want to stare or look around uncomfortably, so I kept my head bowed.
I did look up for a moment, and I saw a group of people gathered around the fallen person and then another group crowded around the lady that was screaming. I heard someone call out, "Please pray, just pray." I bowed my head again and did just that. I cried, and cried, and prayed. I prayed for the screaming woman to be calmed. I prayed for the person, whom I still hadn't identified, that was lying on the ground. I prayed for our spirits, those in the congregation, to be free of worry.
The pastor made a joke, "He's just not gotten enough attention lately." I'm sure he was trying to break the ice, to help alleviate the pain and confusion we were all feeling. I wasn't offended, but I didn't like the comment.
The chaos lasted close to ten minutes in my mind; perhaps it was less. The screaming woman was finally escorted outside and then a group of people who'd been crowded around the fallen person got up to walk out. I noticed the bongo player at this point. He looked completely disheveled. I assumed it was he who had fallen, perhaps passed out due to exhaustion or whatever, but I wasn't sure.
During the time of the confusion, the pastor on stage said nothing much. He was mysteriously quiet. He finally led us in prayer, but was not directly praying for what just happened. It was, I felt, very suspicious...like if we don't mention it happened then maybe it didn't actually happen.
Then the person who preaches the sermons each week came on stage. Of course I'm sure he was shaken, but he seemed calm. He led us in prayer and asked the Lord to calm our spirits so we could hear God's word, but he said nothing specific about what had just ensued. He didn't mention the person's name or anything...didn't pray for him specifically, but instead led us in the planned sermon from 1st John. I thought for sure this would have been a "teachable moment" where the plans were thrown out the window and the more important topic of how to react in crisis when you're a Christian would have been discussed.
To be honest, I have no idea what he preached about for the next hour. I have a 45 minute audio recording I made today so I could go back and listen to it later. I was so distraught. On the one hand, I was worried about the bongo player, but on the other hand, I was strangely distracted and worried about the screaming Chinese woman. What was her connection, after all? Why was she so upset?
At the end of the sermon, the praise band came back on and after they sang, there was a prayer which finally mentioned Josh. They said he was ok, but explained nothing. I was still completely in shock. For the past 45 minutes or more I'd been sitting there, crying, trying not to vomit. I take in other people's emotions like a sponge soaks in water. When others feel scared, I feel scared. When others worry, I worry. It literally made me sick and there were several moments when I thought I'd have to excuse myself. I just kept praying and trying to calm my nerves. I wanted to stay to hear what happened, to understand what the crying and screaming was all about. I was less worried about Josh, and that means nothing about me not caring about him, but the hysterics were completely absurd to me, and that puzzled me. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.
After I left church, I hailed a cab and called my mom. It was after midnight her time, but she was awake. In the back of the taxi, I cried the whole way home, speaking on the phone with her and trying to explain what happened, but not understanding it myself. Then I emailed my Pastor in Charleston. Still not being able to let it go, I emailed the church here in Dongguan.
"Good morning. I’m not sure who exactly receives these emails, but I felt I should write in hopes of contacting someone who could help ease my mind about Josh’s episode today. I am not a regular at TBF, but I have attended many times. I don’t know Josh personally, but I’m there often and do appreciate and enjoy the praise band and his part in it.
I am not trying to pry in any way, shape or form, but I am wondering if Josh’s condition is something that was caused simply because of his current health (the pastor mentioned something about him not feeling well recently). My asking is simply to know if he is ok or if he requires ongoing prayer for something specific.
More on my heart this morning, actually, is how the situation was handled, and what took place in the congregation when the Chinese children and women were screaming and crying. I heard someone say several times, “You’re not holy, you’re not holy,” and that frightened me. I didn’t know it was Josh on the floor at first. I thought it was a child, the way that little one was screaming. Then I thought it must be an elderly person.
Again, I’m not trying to put my nose in where it doesn’t belong, but my heart is heavy. I don’t understand why we as a congregation didn’t get led in prayer immediately. I don’t understand why the lady was so hysterical and why she wasn’t escorted outside sooner. I don’t understand why people were screaming in such horror. Is that a cultural thing? The Westerners seemed to be more calm…upset, but calm. I was praying silently, and crying, but I’m in shock honestly and I’m not sure with whom I can discuss it. I called my mother and spoke to her at midnight her time as I was in the taxi leaving. I’ve emailed my home pastor. I’m just so knotted up inside and I do pray for God to ease my worries, but more to ease the rest of the congregation as I’m sure they are also quite concerned. I would love if someone could write me back, and I’m in no hurry, but I would appreciate at least a word to let me know Josh is ok and the lady who was so distraught is also now calm.
Thank you.
Blessings, Hannah"
After I emailed, I sat down to write this blog, but something made me pause. I wrote a little, then I went out for groceries. I thought it was such a "nice" day for China, so when I unloaded and put away all of my purchased goods, I decided to go to the pool to just relax...to process. As soon as I got to the pool, I got a WeChat message from a person with whom I had been put in contact a few months ago. She's a fellow College of Charleston grad. She explained in her message that her husband was the pastor who preached the sermon today, and she asked if she could meet me at the pool to explain what happened. I told her of course, so she arrived just a few minutes after I did.
We introduced ourselves formally, apologizing that we were meeting under such circumstances. We sat an hour or so talking. She opened my eyes to many things I did not know about the church. For example, the lead pastor and his wife serve and it's their adult children who compose most of the praise band, two sons and a daughter. I was also informed that all of the screaming and hysterics this morning came from one woman, someone with known mental issues. Those two bits of information explained a lot. Although I still don't agree with the way things were or weren't handled this morning, and although I'm still quite disturbed by the whole occurrence, I can't judge anyone because we all react differently in times of crisis. I also can't judge because, well you know, it's not my place. I'm glad, however, that I waited to write the blog, because now I feel I have a better understanding of the situation.
I can't say I've ever experienced anything quite like this morning nor do I ever want to again. It was less the emergency of Josh passing out and more the emergency of handling the hysterical woman, but the confusion was terrifying. I am feeling much better to have had some of it explained to me, and I'm pleased to have had a conversation with a like minded Christian who happens to be a fellow South Carolinian, but I don't know where to go from here to be honest. I have so many questions that arise here in China and for me, all I can say is, "I put my hope in His holy word," and hope that the Lord will see me through.
*Josh is apparently fine. He has been sick and had not eaten or had any liquids prior to his performance on stage this morning. It is my understanding that he is at home resting with his wife and children. I haven't heard about the mentally ill woman other than she was removed this morning and perhaps will no longer be allowed to participate in worship services. I ask for prayers for both of these people.
