You Think You Know Me

I've had a very interesting, very lazy weekend since arriving back from the Philippines. Friday night I showered, made myself dinner, and crashed. Saturday morning I woke up early, 5:30, started all my laundry, and began writing. I said all last week that I needed my computer because writing for me, even when I don't "publish" for anyone other than myself, is therapy. I didn't have my journal either, so anytime I felt the urge, I wrote in the notes app on my phone, but I didn't get the same sense of fulfillment from that.

Yesterday ended up being one of those days that I accomplished exactly what I intended, although it may not seem like much to you. It was a day I stayed in my pjs all day long. It was pouring rain, which I thank God for because it's the kind of weather I wanted, and truthfully, needed. I drank my cuppa English tea (which I'd talked about all week while away) and moved only from my couch to the floor, to the table, or to my bed, all the while writing. I worked on a blog, some personal pieces, and A LOT of applications. I never made it outside and I think most of the day I had the curtains pulled. I realize that this may be a sign to some of you of "depression," but let me assure you it's not. It's called me time. It's something I have to do in order to cleanse what's already occurred and prepare for what lies ahead.

I've talked a lot about this with my cousin, and we both agree that I am an introvert. It's hard to explain because I do love people and I enjoy getting out there and socializing, but really and truly, I prefer my quiet time alone. After a week of holiday with a friend and having very little time to myself, all I wanted to do this weekend was veg. Let me quickly say that my friend was awesome actually and did allow me time for private meditation and prayer while we were on the islands, but still, I craved more.

I think after the week away in a place that, although was beautiful in it's own right, was a little bit unsettling, I needed to decompress. The contrast between the crystal blue water/white sandy beaches and the dilapidated third world buildings was so stark. The incident with "La," the homeless man I met who hurt his foot, was the icing on the cake for me and it emotionally drained me. (Read more about this on my link for #feelingblessed.)

This "draining" is a characteristic of my being an empath. So this is where I ask, "You think you know me?" I don't ask it condescendingly and I don't mean anything hurtful by it, but I ask it because I wonder, how well do you know me, if in fact at all?

Let's go back for a moment to the fact that I'm an introvert. After reading about this on The Huffington Post, I have a checklist for you...you can answer on my behalf, or you can answer for yourself if you're interested in knowing whether or not you are an introvert. What I love about this particular article is the opening:

"Think you can spot an introvert in a crowd? Think again. Although the stereotypical introvert may be the one at the party who's hanging out alone by the food table fiddling with an iPhone, the "social butterfly" can just as easily have an introverted personality."

I think it's interesting because many of you who know me, or think you know me, might assume because I love to travel and meet new people and because I'm always in the middle of things at work, standing in front of others, etc., that I'm actually an extrovert, but I hope you'll think again after looking at a few of these signs.

I took these from a list of 23 signs posted on the Huffington Post article. I chose the ones that resonated most with me. Please see the full article (hyperlinked above) to read more.

Signs you're an introvert:
1) Downtime doesn't feel unproductive to you.
2) Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.
3) When you get on the subway, you sit on the end of the bench not in the middle.
4) You start to shut down after you've been active for too long.
5) You notice details that others don't.
6) You have low blood pressure.
7) You've been called an "old soul."
8) You look at the big picture.
9) You're a writer.
10) You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.

These just make sense, and they describe me to a "T," especially 1, 4, 7, 9 and 10. In particular, they stand out because of the previous week I had and how I needed to spend the weekend after it; 7 is thrown in because it's the truth no matter the situation.

Now, for the empath side of me. I googled, "signs you are an empath," and came across an article on Introvert Spring that funnily enough, started like this:

"If you are an introvert who is highly sensitive, you might also be an empath."

The next line in the article defines empaths this way:

"Empaths are highly sensitive individuals who deeply feel the emotion of those around them."

If you read through the 10 signs listed, and you do in fact know me, I think you'll agree that I demonstrate many of these characteristics. Actually, if you know me REALLY well, I bet you can choose which are LESS like me and which are MORE like me.

1) Creative Expression.

2) Reading People's Emotions.

3) Peacemaker.

4) Love Animals and Nature.

5) Moody Recluse.

6) Can't Do Things You Don't Like.

7) Free Spirit.

8) Problem Solver.

9) Magnetic.

10) Eclectic Taste in Music.

Did you say that 4 is a funny description for me?  I find it amusing because I don't love animals so much. Please don't get me wrong...I've always dogsat and treated animals very well. Even in the Philippines my heart went out to the dogs I saw on the road; they were all so skinny and mangy. I ended up sharing my hamburger leftovers with a cute little puppy outside of my room on our last night. I believe one day I'll have a dog of my own, but not until I have a family of my own. 

I don't exactly love nature so much either in the sense that I don't want to go camping or anything, but I do enjoy a good lake/ocean/mountain view and crave feeling my feet touch the grass. I am rejuvenated by a good ocean breeze or a gust of wind over the mountains, so in these ways, yes, I do love nature. 

What about # 8? I think if you know me and you read the full article, # 8 is spot on.

"Problem Solver-Empaths will search relentlessly for answers to a problem. Their motto is “there is always a way”. And thanks to their persistence, they usually find it."

So I busted out laughing reading that...if you know me, you know why. I don't give up. If I want something, I'll bug the heck of someone/anyone to get it or to find a way to make it happen. My picture should be next to the word persistent in the dictionary....seriously.

Again, these are just a few signs of many, but I can relate to them both for introverts and empaths. As I sit here writing, it's pouring rain outside. I'm listening to Ben Howard on Spotify...the perfect, soft, reflective kind of music. I'm drinking my third cuppa tea in two days (that's not like me as I really don't drink much caffeine). It's 6 pm and I've only been awake 4 hours (that's also not me). I was so drained from this week, and staying up until 3 am watching Netflix, that I slept all morning and most of the afternoon. The weather made it easy to do so.

The point is of course that after a week of full on activity, even on a beach side, relaxing kind of holiday, I needed to reset myself, especially since I have to go back to a job that I honestly don't love and struggle with still.

After reading this post, hopefully now you can say you do in fact know me a little better, and perhaps it helped you to know yourself a little more too. For now, I remain reflective and reconsidering where I am, and where I'm meant to go next...