The Gumby Effect

That's what I want to happen when I am having a good massage. I want my whole body to relax and seemingly melt, my limbs to be like Gumby's. He's only able to hold himself in place if someone molds him a particular way. It's like this in a good massage too, the limbs only move because a therapist guides them.

I love a massage and I have had many in cities all over the world. In London, I've had several massages in China town.  My first there was the summer of 2008.  I was miserably sick, alone, and tired of being cooped up in my hotel room, so I went out for a bit, trying to muster the strength to get some fresh air. I remember being very congested and I thought a massage would ease my aching muscles.  I was given two hand towels to cover myself. Everything else was left exposed.  At the end, the girl climbed on the table and walked on my back...a first for me. I felt amazing after.

One 4th of July week, I had a wonderful visit with a masseuse in Harbor Springs, Michigan.  It was in her pilates studio and rather peculiar to start because of the openness of the room.  She was the first person to ever massage my abs and manipulate my organs.  I appreciated it after, but was curious when she began.

I've been to great spas and Turkish baths, like the one I went to in Budapest during Easter week in 2012.  That was an interesting one because I went into a curtained room and lie down face first on the floor...the male masseuse came in and never spoke one word to me. I never saw his face either.  I only knew he was male because, well, he straddled me as he worked on my back.

It baffles me when people say they don't like massages.  Perhaps it's because I have such a bad back that I yearn to have someone work out the kinks, but those people, the ones who don't like to be touched, would absolutely die if they had the experiences I've had, especially the ones I've had recently.

Before moving to China, I knew I'd get massages here.  I became quite excited about it when I found out how inexpensive they were.  I don't know what took me so long honestly, but I was here almost three weeks before I had my first.  This massage would have scared off most, and even me, a veteran in the world of massage, became quite uncomfortable.

You see, there are two major types of massages here in China. The one with your clothes on, and the one with your clothes off.  I prefer the latter honestly because I like for the therapist to be able to do a good job of working out the knots in my muscles, and I think this is more easily accomplished without clothes hindering the process.  I will say however, that the experience I first had in China leaves me with the thought that perhaps clothes off is a bit too much for me here.

I walked into the spa near my apartment one Saturday afternoon about two weeks ago. The ladies at the front desk didn't speak any English, so I said "massage" and then made motions like I was rubbing my shoulders.  I was led upstairs to a room with three tables.  The girl pointed to a shower which looked much like something out of the space age, and then showed me a switch to flip when I finished.  She gave me a towel and a pair of muslin panties.  She left the room and I showered quickly then put on my disposable undergarmet. I called for her with the flip of the switch and quickly lie down on the table, covering my bum with a towel.

She came in and worked on my legs, back and arms very aggressively, then flipped me over half way through the session.  She again did my legs and arms as well as my feet, then moved on to my abs.  Because I had had this in Michigan, I was not startled.  The next part changed my opinion of the way things were going, because thereafter, I felt quite violated.  I must preface this by saying that I usually love a good chest massage because a lot of tension is held there.  I have never, though, had anyone massage my actual breasts, that is, not until I came to China.

When she finished with my stomach, she exposed one side of my chest and I let her do her thing, although it hurt a little and I was really ready to burst out laughing at the thought of what was happening.  She went around and did the left side of my chest and again, I controlled my laughter.  I couldn't believe what was occurring.  I know I could have said, "Buyao" for no, but I let her go on because, well, I'll try just about anything once.

When I got home, I was still giggling and I thought I really must do some research on this whole breast massage concept. I actually found some good information on the benefits. For example, Livestrong.com says breast massage is good for maintaining the health of the breasts and that "its primary purpose is to rid [the] body of the harmful toxins that interfere with your health." Whether there are benefits or not, I'm not too keen on breast massage and I think next time I'll just say no.

I've been sick all weekend and not able to do much, but when I began feeling slightly better today and was asked to join a friend for a foot massage, I thought I'd take advantage of the excuse to get out of the house. We arrived at the Pullman Hotel and were taken into a private room with three reclining chairs. The gentleman who escorted us told us it would be a forty minute wait, but he brought us complimentary drinks and water. I opted for a milk tea on ice.  It's really a nice treat here.

We waited for quite some time flipping through the English channels on the TV and then one young man came in to work on my heels. I have had two pedicures here, but the bottoms of my feet are taking a beating in the heat and with all the walking, so I had them scraped. The tool today looked much like a barber's razor, but it was made of iron. It doesn't hurt at all, only sometimes tickles.

When he finished we both were drawn foot baths. The sent of rose filled the air. Our feet soaked for the first part of the massage as the masseuses worked on our backs and shoulders. Then the water was drained and our arms were given some attention. Next was our head, face, ears and neck. The girls then moved to our feet; the room now smelled of cucumber from the lotion. My massuese did my legs, covered with towels so as to not make skin to skin contact now. My friend and I were both later flipped on our stomachs and I wish you could have seen what took place next in that room.

This was the massage where you're fully dressed, and I'm glad I was in shorts because I had no idea "foot massage" entailed all of this. Teryn's girl, much heavier than mine, climbed on Teryn's back, kneeling at first. The noises that came out of Teryn were hysterical. I could barely open my eyes because it was such a funny site to see. Teryn could hardly breath. Next my girl sat, straddling my back, using her arms and legs to massage. I can't very well describe her technique, but using her upper body strength, she held herself over me and used her knees and thighs to massage my back. Unbelievable. They worked and worked and I giggled a lot. They stood, digging their feet into our muscles. They walked on us. It was a two hour episode. I suppose if you're used to this sort of thing, it's not so funny, but for a first timer in this type of situation, it is in fact quite amusing. If you knew Teryn, you'd understand how it was even more so...she's a character.

I will happily report that I did have the "Gumby Effect" in today's massage and I found it quite difficult to walk home because I was so relaxed, but I won't soon stop laughing over the experience. I still love my massages, and I've not been scared off yet, but boy, my eyes have been opened.